First love

My first love , 

I remember the first time we were together , you  tried so hard to make a conversation , you embarrassed yourself  by asking me the same question  thrice . And look at us now , I’m the only one who can’t stop the conversation ( and you secretly , love that )

I wouldn’t say you were the best thing that ever happened to me , but well , you’re the only one that gets first-hand information when the best things happen to me . Be it a party or my birthday , You’re the one who gets to decide what looks best on me . Cause you’ve seen the best and ugly side of me , the one no one get’s to see , probably that’s why no one get’s to decide whether your supposed to be with me or not . We can start our conversation’s with ” i want to kill you . ” , but those conversations don’t last longer than the  conversation about the list of things i like you for .  We’re the kind of people who can stay away for a year but still pick up the conversation where we left it at . I don’t need a relationship status with you , it’s always a given . They say  first love , is   That one boy who changes your expectations and that one boy who you compare all the future boys with . But to me , you are the definition . When someone asks me what qualities i look for in a guy , i always name off exactly the things you are . It’s harder to let go cause you’re my best friend before my lover . We’ve had more down’s than up’s , but we have come such a long way that i can’t possibly go back , cause i walked the way with you , that I’d be lost without you if i take a reverse turn . Trust me if you’d ever cheat on me or lie to me , it would have been so much easier to turn away . Sometimes you wonder why i try so hard to keep it alive , but it hurt’s to tell you i tried harder  to let it go , and maybe if i tried and failed , it isn’t the right time to let you go , maybe you were meant to stay .Loving you is become an automatic response .I know we live in different countries , and we may not see each other for years and circumstances change , and we need to adapt to them , well , if it  was infatuation  at 14 , and I;m 19 years old .and i hope you figured what you signed up for when you fell for me .I personally feel this is the only right thing in my life . It isn’t only ” picture-perfect ” . Even the distance or time isn’t holding me back . While the rest of them , waiting for me to give them a chance , will think I’m stuck up . i don’t think I’m stuck up . I know exactly what i want and that’s what I’m sticking by . The last time someone close told me you ain’t worth it , i loved them less instead of loving you less , it changed thing’s between me and the person but not between us 

To me our last kiss is more important that our first kiss , cause it’s the kind of kiss where we don’t know when we’ll ever see each other and that’s the only moment we had. It wasn’t that long and it certainly wasn’t the kind of kiss we see in the movies these days but it was wonderful in it’s own way , and all i remember is when you carried me and our lips touched i knew that moment would last forever.

this is hard on me , waiting comes with a risk , but not waiting for you is even harder cause you’re everything i ever wanted . And when you leave to shield me from getting hurt , there’s a mind numbing cocktail in my head of hurt , weakness and love . But like the last time and the previous time , and the year before , we’re going to come back for each other one more time . While i spend my time waiting for shooting star’s and 11.11 , i know you’re  asking Heaven to keep me safe and okay . And i can’t kid myself this boy loves me in a way he is unable to deal with . 🙂


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