6 b’days gone by – forever starts to end .

6 b’days . From wanting to make it special to deciding whether to wish him or not , to taking a challenge of not wishing him . From an acquaintance , to a friend , to a boyfriend , to a blocked contact on facebook , to the most familiar stranger , to a best friend , to a muse , to someone who has potential to be hated . Yet one thing hasn’t changed , knowing him beneath the layers of the label of a friend , boyfriend , hater , stranger . The one person hidden behind these labels , is the one who wants to make it to the top , the one who doesn’t believe in hoping for wings to fly , but believes in constructing and manufacturing his own plane to fly up there . The one who doesn’t have the right words to express himself , but has the perfect song for you to relate to . The one who will love you till you learn to love yourself . The one who will walk away from someone he loves  when the road is broad , just to make it comfortable  to walk alone when the road is narrow . Like a genie in a bottle , he’s locked his wishes and desires while he’s moving upward but not forward . While I’m the one who believes in a tooth fairy , he’s the kind to be his own tooth fairy . The one who can’t make eye contact , but has his vision for the future intact .      I’ve loved him  and hated him . Right from making a countdown till he comes back to town , till making a countdown of days till i don’t talk to him . Been there . Right from waiting for him to getting up to reply till waiting for months till we talk again . He says the darn est things , like he’d choose to watch a boring movie rather than talk to me and then spends days telling me the no of things he appreciates about me . He doesn’t go days telling me I’m beautiful or cute , but make’s sure on days i feel insecure He’ll stay up till i reach self realization that I’m the cutest thing that has ever happened to him . He’s like a season . He walks in my life and walks out like the seasons . We go for years without talking to each other and yet again there’s nothing that can change drastically for us to not know who we really are . That’s because we see each other beneath the layers of a friend , a hater and a stranger . We’ve had the worst fights which lasts for  months  ,last kisses that dig their way to make a place in the brain till dementia strikes . Image

     It’s been a really rough year , trying to get over the fact we  walked away again . It’s been a long way from Hating till letting go . Although I’m hurting and healing from new  wounds over the old scars , it doesn’t stop me from wishing someone who has made me a rock rather than be my rock , from someone who has made me my own hero rather than be my hero , from someone who stopped loving but never really made me cynical about love , for someone who walked away , to be selfless enough to help me go out searching for better , for something I deserve . This is For someone , i loved and hated . Well me growing up is something he’s watched closely , now it’s turn for me to watch him on his way to the top . As a part of that audience ,  I wish him all the best, although i would have loved to be a part of that journey , but that stop me from giving him the loudest applause while he’s out there making his dream come true .  

Well , it’s hard to wish someone a happy b’day whose conveniently made me smile and spent the rest of the months making me cry on purpose .So here’s to my first infatuation , my first love , my first best friend , my on and off enemy , my present hater and my used to be backup .   ” HAPPY B’DAY ” . I was going to add a list of abuses at the end . *sigh*  

WHEN FOREVER STARTS TO END , I STILL KNOW I HAD HIM AT FOREVER AND NEVER REALLY LOST HIM AT THE END . Not having the hopes and wishes for the future come true doesn’t change the fact that i had some of the best times with you .

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