The swing she sat on used to make my head spin , but its early morning ,and sitting on it is soothing my grief . It was just yesterday , when I sat beside her , whispering softly words of love and hope , as of transferring positive energy which I didnt want anyone to know . A day of reminiscing what used to be and could have been . A night of travelling with thoughts heavier than my head , worked well for a ” dead to the world or should I say dead to the grief sleep .
On a normal day , a loud noise or the voice of my brother would wake me up . But an unusual calm and silence woke me up today , there was no hysterical crying , no weeping . No One told me she’s gone . I think it’s one of the responsibilities of being 18 , to sense the tone . Well , but. There was no tone ! Just silence. I wanted to ask , but what could I have asked ? Is she breathing ? Is she there ? No . Maybe if I stopped shivering , I’d. Beable to answer those questions to myself .
I thought it waa only in the movies , that as soon as the soul leaves the body, it starts to rain cats and dogs. I’ve always read those quotes about someone who hasn’t danced in the rain . But right now , it feels like i haven’t cried enough and the only way to not disturb the silence is to cry silently in the rain .
Everyone has to face death . I know . It’s about being grown up . But how do i face it , when I’m still rethinking the memories of her and me , when i was a little child . I have a long way to go , cause the not so long way im walking on , is making me cry by haunting me with good memories .
I have quite a few friends who texted me to pray for her , they haven’t known her long enough , cause i know she doesn’t need to worry about going to to heaven or hell .she came from heaven and she’ll go back there . The only pain , apart from the funeral , what next ?

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