2 years ago .
It had been exactly two years, he offered to be a friend , proved to be a stalker, claimed to be an admirer , acted like a lover and killed me each day with the act of being possessive.Well it had been 1 year and 363 days ago, i decided to keep the friend i find in any person who supposedly claims to be love-struck with me. Turned out, he was more of a muse to me than I was to him.I was obsessed with hating him, turning him down,rejecting him with clever lines. I loved the idea of making him feel pathetic about the creep or pervert i assumed and still believe he is. I didn’t particularly love his attention, but i got so used to it. It was the same thing , like not particularly loving homework and long hours of school, but needing it and wanting it back when u pass out.
He supposedly loved me enough for the both of us.But neither my friends, nor myself , nor his fantasy of me was interested in me giving him a chance to be with me. He didn’t remind me of why i should love him back, but reminded me of why i loved someone else in the past, because he was nothing like him. He was a boomerang. He was a love-machine. His love was different.No respect or patience included. He spoke about some love i see in the movies, he uttered words which sounded like “forever”.
1 year ago.
I complained of eyesight weakness.Around the same time , i convinced myself that i saw a friend in him. On some occasions he was more than just a friend.He was just there.Always there.But on several occasions he wanted me to be more than that.He always wanted me to be a trophy. He wanted to show the world , he could get the girl , they said he wouldn’t ever get. He wanted to prove a point. And that’s when i realized he didn’t want me, he wanted any biological human being whose sex was ” female”.He wanted to be loved back. Well it’s silly how love is always equated to being in a relationship,to give in to intercourse and to have someone next to you in a facebook display picture.
“i don’t hate people, i don’t care about”.
I thought that was who i was, until I , reacted with anger to someone who used this option called “block” on Facebook. What is it, that makes me act like i’m way out of someones league. And when I’m blocked to create a virtual boundary that separates two lives, i react with anger and dismay.I’m not ashamed to say I’m a selfish enough to act like He didn’t deserve me, yet feel worthless being blocked by the same person. Well but it doesn’t make someone a better person, by claiming to love someone one night, and the next thing you know is they block that person because that person doesn’t love him in that way back and date someone else to show the world, you’re capable of loving and being loved back.This stupid thing called attachment, unfortunately applies to people you dislike, but get used to.