30th February

“I want to make the most of the day. Maybe sit amongst the wildflowers and stretch my legs towards the river, and gather strength from how it can’t flow back to where it came from anymore. While I’m picking flowers pretending to know how to make wreaths, I’ll just give into the moment and let myself be crippled by the thoughts of these  insects sticking onto me. After I’m done finding the branch which has the least amount of ants clenching onto it, I want to sit and think less about  about how fearlessly I’ve loved, but more about how much I’ve been loved. I want to compile all those conversations that made love grow like dandelions  in my heart, gather all those moments hd once ran into these dense forests to sit beside me. I’ll start to write about how his compliments always look good on me, about my need for security and belonging. I’ll swing on branches of hope, and when I pull back, I’ll replay all those happy  memories of vacations with my family, and when I rise higher looking at stormy skies  I’ll hopelessly  hold onto it like a child clinging onto the metal chains of the swing. I’ll  walk on extensive patches of a green lawn, in my favourite summer dress realizing how I’ve fenced this emptiness with lush green. And when I return I’ll make a monument of all the memories of my first love, rejection of new love,the roots of hurting, the misunderstanding, old home, and bless the monument with holy tears that cried for attention. I’ll promise myself to visit this monument on 30th of February of each new year”

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WORDS

There are Words from a lover floating in my head , yet Hurting from the ones left unsaid .

I have scars of words , the ones filled with disrespect . plunges into my sanity, drowns and then comes to surface ever once in a while ,is what I suspect .

There are words of hope , the ones embedded in promises to myself ,
The ones which will get me out of this dark shelf .

There are words of a friend , followed by sounds of laughter and chatter.
The ones that get me through the day and the ones that truly matter .

There are words I wish to to say ,
But the people I love interrupt and say , ” darling , can we keep it for another day. ”

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To mom and dad , please stop .

so reached a point where family has to be only ” picture – perfect”
Smile and cheese and there you have a perfect family picture .
So while I shed a tear and introspect ,
Its just a mind numbing cocktail ,
A very bitter mixture
I realize the little boy gazed into the abyss and didn’t realize the abyss was gazing into him , he grew up to be the mister he was fighting ,
I would pay people to turn down the offer to such a dramatic film ,
Wake up at 6 am and hear a shout ,
Instantly I know a fight will break out,
When I was young to watch , mother and father was a horrible sight ,
I was 8 I went to the chapel I said a prayer to god to show me the way
They should stop fighting every day
now I’m 19 and I know for sure , I don’t want to live this way
You created me out of love , don’t bring me up in hate ,
Mama please don’t talk to dada that way ,
Your words get meaner each day ,
Dad please don’t yell and break things that way ,
I hate to see mommie cry ..
I know I’m born in this family and I need to accept , but I just don’t understand why ,
There’s so much of hate , I wonder if I die sooner , would I put an end to this terrible fate .

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